Surviving the "Single Hiatus"

Surviving the hiatus.  What hiatus,(you may ask)?  The hiatus between your last serious relationship and your next serious relationship.  It could last only a few weeks to several years.  This hiatus can be fun and uplifting or painful and unbearable depending on the time frame, how tolerant you are to being single, your dating status, etc.  For many, dating is the best option in a situation like this, for others, being alone for self reflection is best until they meet their future mate.

But what if you have been in this hiatus phase for several years and your dating life has come to a stand still?

What works for many is the idea of becoming involved in some other activities, (i.e., going out with friends, hitting the gym, picking up a new hobby, or taking a new class.)  After a while you lose interest in finding your mate because you’re busy “finding yourself” and you like it.  It looks good on you!  This attracts a certain kind of man/woman who likes it too.  Before you know it you are sharing similar interests, ideas, experiences, and feelings together.  What better way to make a best friend and lover all in one???

You may hit road blocks along the way on your journey:

You’re meeting the usual duds- Change your environment, step outside your usual comfort zone to explore new places and new people.  The old adage is true, “If you do what you have always done, you’ll get what you always got.”  Think out the box.  Maybe instead of going to the club or bar try something that suits your specific interests like poetry writing clubs, cultural festivals, art showings, etc.)  This gives you guys something better to talk about besides, “Do you come to this place often?”

You don’t feel sexy or you’re self conscience about something.  Example ladies, you have great legs, but you have been struggling with showing the rest of your figure.  Wear something that accentuates your legs most.  You will then feel sexy and it will spill out of your aura into his.  Or guys, you have a great sense of style, but you are conscience of your crooked smile.  Dress to impress.  (Keep your mouth closed and just nod at what she says. lol  Only kidding, she will overlook it with a great personality and style.)

You are shy and don’t know how to approach a woman/man- The best way to overcome this one is to just do it.  I can personally relate to this and I have learned you have to take some chances sometimes no matter the risk.  If you don’t try, you lose the opportunity to get to know the person- maybe forever.  So start a nice conversation off with a flirtatious, but not corny, line or general conversation.  It doesn’t matter.  I did something recently that I watched on the show Tyra and it worked at least for the initial conversation. On the show she taught women/men how to flirt by saying something like, “I think you’re hot/cute/sexy and I just had to talk to you.”   It works to bait him/her in, but you have to hook ‘em yourself after that.

Afraid of rejection- You have to get over this one also.  You will be rejected at some point in your dating life.  You can take it personally and beat yourself up about it, never dating again, or you can learn from the experience, and move on to the next one.  Best way to avoid it if possible is to read the warning signs.   Body language tells you a lot about a person’s availability, interest in you and others, and their general character.  You just have to pay attention.  Watch your interest from across the room for a few minutes, (don’t wait all night- he/she will leave if you wait too long.)  Observe the way the person talks, his/her gestures, how he/she is relating to other people, etc.  Watch who he/she selects for conversation.   Is the person similar to you in some way? Do you notice that he relates mostly with other men/women? Or just him/herself?  This can tell you how available your interest is.  Maybe he/she does not want to be approached, may just want hang with friends or be alone.  What to do is up to you.  Maybe you take the risk of rejection just in case- hey no harm, no foul.  At least you tried.

I hope this was helpful for anyone going through the hiatus.  For more information about Author Kharisma's relationship-based books, projects, videos, and articles, visit Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AuthorKharisma/